Lost

*Warning: This post contains a few rants and long paragraph like formations that jump around ideas a lot.*

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What's the worst possible feeling you could ever experience? Not a physical pain per se, but an emotional pain. It doesn't even have to be pain, just something that makes you not feel right with yourself. Now most of you probably thought, "losing someone/something you love" or "doing something you know is wrong, a sense of guilt". Personally I have experienced many of these feelings, most within this past year, whether it be losing my first love to distance, a family members to death, etc. I always found relief by talking to someone about said problem. The thing is now, I don't feel like there is someone I can talk to that won't judge me so if you don't mind, I'd like to share my feelings with you.

Going back to my first statement... there are no wrong answers, but the pain I'm thinking of travels a lot deeper than the one I provided above.

It's getting to that time where I have to really start thinking about what it is that I want to do with my life. Making choices that will effect me forever. As the years came and went so did the ideas. At first I always wanted to be an architect, and was determined to do just that. Later on I gave up that idea and wanted to be an interior designer. After that phase I wasn't (still not) sure what I wanted. So many opportunities that come with being a good student, being someone who has potential , and yet I have no idea whatsoever. ..."Potential"... what a word to use. What does it mean?... What does it imply?... Why do I have it? No matter how many times these questions are asked there are no answers.
Music and Art were always a part of me from the beginning, and I am one of those people who see the world differently. I've gotten everything that I could ever want that was good for me but it has only confused me more. As I have grown older and older more of opportunities and responsibilities came as well. People say I should go into music... but when I think about it... what is there to do other than be a teacher or a member of a band, not knowing when/if there will be another pay check in the future? Can I make a good living off of it while still enjoying it until the end? However, others say I should be an engineer of some sort, a singer, a writer, a chemist, and the list goes on an on and on.... *sigh* I guess what I'm trying to say is that I don't know who I am anymore or what I should do with my life. My bio states that photography is what I want to do, which is true... I do want that, but I don't feel that I'm getting the support I need. I get the impression that I can't do it, that it wont be a good career that I can do it. This is a time in my life where I don't know who I really am. A time where everything I do feels like it's being evaluated. A time when the only thing I want is to be away from everything and everyone that I hold on to because I'm tired of the same thing everyday, the same feeling. THAT is the worst pain in the world, not knowing who you really are or what your purpose is. Feeling like a puzzle piece of your soul was accidentally left out of the box. Knowing where you are but being completely lost.

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We've all been 'lost' , but we all handle it differently. [If you don't mind] How did you deal with it/ what advice would you give to people in a jam like me? Please comment below, because I would love to hear from you.

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Before I go I'd like to apologize for the ranting. It is just one of those things you can't hold back, and thanks for reading this far, it is greatly appreciated. :-J

Love always,
Sora.